When I examine the past, sit in the reality of all I have experienced in life, there is one thing that is undeniable… I have been pursued, fiercely, every step of the way. There has not been a moment when my life existed solely for me. Rather, I would say that every step of the journey has been a preparation for the fullness He has in store for me. This has not meant an easy walk, perfect and exemplary, something desirable from the outside. It has meant beauty, ashes, fullness, desolation, reality and dreaming. More than anything it has been so much more than me.
My life. Meant for me. This is the message we are processing each day. Told over and over again that life is meant to live and it is meant to live exactly how I want to live it. To fulfill all my own desires and hopes. What I have found though is God’s desires, His hopes, His plans for me are always, always, so much greater than the ones I have planned. They are often mysterious, infuriatingly so sometimes… but that doesn’t diminish the depth or beauty of them. If I can sit with His Spirit and find the faith to trust He is moving, He changes my reality, even when my circumstances remain the same.
The sitting with Jesus is the hardest part for me. I want to move. It makes me feel in control. It gives me the illusion that I can change anything as long as I keep moving. The reality though, is that I am just running. I am running ahead, away, astray and HE is relentlessly pursuing me. To sit with Jesus can be a challenging place but when I sit with Him I see HIM. I allow the Spirit of the Living God to fill me up and His relentless pursuit is revealed. A revelation that moves mountains… because the Creator of the Universe thought I was worthy enough to pursue. There is no love more vibrant than this.