There are toxins inside of me. Deep, threatening, deadly toxins that well up in the darkest hollows of my being. It is here that all the questions, what ifs, unbelief and anger sit. They churn around for what seems like a lifetime. Seemingly unnoticed and yet ever spreading throughout the very essence of my existence. To put it frankly, this toxin is sin… and it sits in the depths of each of us. It lays there waiting for opportunity to spring forth and take over everything about us.
In my mind there is only one thing to do with toxin… with sin. It is to pretend it doesn’t exist. Of course that just means it crops up at unexpected moments when what is down in the bucket decides to come up out of the well. When this happens my fight or flight response is to shove all of that yucky nastiness back down into the bucket it came from and screw a lid on tight!
Have you ever noticed though… the lid never holds. It is never strong enough. Powerful enough. ENOUGH. To manage all that toxicity.
Some sweet revelation hit home today. Delivered by a dear friend. When we empty ourselves before the Lord of all our sins, all our toxic wanderings, there is a freeing that occurs. We bow before the foot of the cross crying “Jesus, take this, I don’t want it”… and He responds with compassion saying “Yes my beloved, I already have.” Here, in this moment of confession God pours out. Into the emptiness of our being He pours out His attributes. His love, His grace, His perfection, His joy, His peace… HE is enough! Only when we are emptied can we be filled up again. Empty me Lord that I may look more like you!